Woe Is Me!

Sometimes I wonder if I am too sensitive. Things can really get to me at times. Specifically, I am reacting to my oldest brother, and one of my so-called closest friends. I really have difficulties dealing with people who are supposed to be close to me and to whom I am supposed to be close that are terrible correspondents! This drives me crazy and I am left feeling that the person is very self-absorbed!

My brother, his wife, and three kids (ages 13, 13, and 8) live up north. Usually for the holidays we go up north to where they live and celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, and the girls' birthdays (both the 13 year olds, their birthdays are right around Christmas). (The we I am referring to is myself, my husband, my mother, her significant other, my twin brother and his wife, and my sister). But this year, much to my disappointment, people had other agendas. My sister went to Thailand, and my twin brother and his wife were supposed to go to Hawaii. (They never went to Hawaii but decided to have the holiday to themselves instead). My mother ended up going with her fiance to his daughter's house. So, needless to say, my husband and I did not go up north on our own. So, we (the family) were trying to arrange another weekend, if even in January or February where we could all still go and have a late celebration. Well, this was frustrating enough, because everyone has a schedule and other commitments. But, finally we came up with some ideas. I presented them to my older brother (the one who lives up north) and he stated he would consult with his wife, and account for the kids' schedules (hockey, basketball, etc) and would get back to me. Well, of course this conversation occurred some time before Christmas. He has not called yet. I have also left a message on their answering machine, to inquire about our plans, as well as to wish a happy new year, and to ask if they have gotten the two e-mails I have sent. They have not called back of course. The e-mails addressed all these issues and also requested they let me know what the kids got for Christmas and their birthdays. I did not buy the gifts yet, I wanted to make sure they got what they wanted, and I figured I would buy them what they did no get. I was thinking of mailing the girls their birthday presents at least, so they don't have to wait. After all, this is not their faults. But, of course my brother and sister-in-law did not respond, not once, not at all. This really bothers me. It bothers me that she cannot ever bother to correspond, and always leaves it to him, and it bothers me that when we are together he puts out this vibe that we are so close and family is so important. But, phone messages and e-mails later, and NOTHING! Who does that? Who does not at least make an effort to make even some half-assed connection?

Okay, while I am on my soap box, the other person I am upset by is a girlfriend of mine whom I am supposed to be very close to. (I will not use her real name, just in case.....). (But like she won't know I am talking about her, with all the details I will share?!) I am really feeling disenchanted with her lately too. Granted she has a lot of little kids at home, certainly enough to keep her more than busy. Her husband works a lot and is gone a lot, and even has to travel for work. But I can not even remember the last time we saw one another. Yes, the last two times we had plans, it was for me to go there, and I cancelled them both, due to her being ill with a sinus infection, and to her kids all having colds (and me being pregnant and not wanting to be in her house of germs while I am pregnant). But does this mean we can't talk on the phone at all? Or even exchange an e-mail of 10 lines or so? She doesn't call at all. So, I send her an e-mail, just to say hello, and I get pretty detailed in the e-mail as to what is going on in my life. I hear nothing, so I decide to call her. I get her answering machine and leave a very light and friendly message and inquire in both the e-mail and the voicemail about us getting together. Finally, I get an e-mail back from her, literally two lines worth, just enough to tell me she is glad I am doing well, and that she doesn't think we can see one another until spring, because her husband travels a lot and that between the 4 kids, someone is always sick, up until spring. Then she said she will call me. She did call me last night, I missed the call, so I called her today, and I have not heard back yet today. Nor do I expect to.

Hmmm, what kind of reaction am I supposed to have to her e-mail and phone message? Now, some of you may be suggesting that she is mad at me, and I can see how you may think that. But I know this friend, and that is not how she works. She is not mad, and she is not trying to seem cold, this is just how she works. She is just busy, she has her play-group friends and between them and her kids, she is consumed. She is a great person and can be SO warm and sensitive at times, but she can also get REALLY self-absorbed. Yes, she could stand to learn a little about tact and sensitivity. But mostly, I am feeling neglected, and like she doesn't care that much. I am not asking for much, but I am a HUGE believer that we make time for what is important. I believe we could at least make a phone date, or meet for an hour for breakfast on a Sunday morning when her husband is in town, or exchange e-mails every now and then that were somewhat detailed. I just feel that either she is taking our friendship for granted or that she is just not that interested anymore. Not to mention the fact that I am pregnant with my first child, and she, as one of my closest friends, I thought would be more involved and excited. She barely knows what is going on with me. I know she has done this before, more than once herself, but I haven't. This hurts my feelings too.

So, there you have it. My friend and my brother (and sister-in-law), and they are both/all disappointing (saddening) me right now. I am not sure how to handle it. I am usually pretty diplomatic about dealing with conflict and do address it with people usually. But I am feeling really sensitive right now and am not sure if some of this is me being overly sensitive. I am just really peeved and hurt at being ignored and neglected and seemingly not cared about by my brother and one of my so-called best friends! (Plus, I still really want to do the holiday/birthday celebration with my family). So, any comments would be appreciated! (Oh, and yes, I know, friendships change sometimes, I can accept this logically and will adjust my expectations accordingly if need be, but logic and feelings don't always go together). (Also important to note, I am really glad for my friend that she has this newer group of friends through her kids' play group, but I have always felt, for as long as I known her, that she sometimes really SUCKS at balancing new friends with old friends. She always says things like "no matter how long we don't talk, I know we are close." I always agree but gently remind her even old friendships need attention.) I need attention right now, I think.