A Lot More Than I Bargained For

Okay, so last I spoke of my struggle with weight. Wow, have I got bigger issues now. (No pun intended, this is serious!) Well, as I mentioned in an earlier post, I had a miscarriage in the end of January of this year. Since then I have had irregular periods and some bleeding throughout my cycle. So, I have been communicating with my OBGYN regarding this issue. A couple weeks ago they had me come in for another ultrasound. It turns out they saw something near the opening of my uterus. Perhaps it is matter left from the miscarriage, they said. I had to come in and talk to the doctor. Great, 5+ months later and I may still be dealing with the miscarriage. For those of you who have had a miscarriage, you know how emotional an experience it is, and how grieving and time are the only healers, but to have to re-visit it so closely again, months later? I was not happy about this!

So, I see my doctor, and she tells me it is possible I will need to have a D & C, and that she wanted to do another ultrasound and a procedure called a penohystogram (spelling?), which would allow them to see even better than with an ultrasound. So, the gist of the story is that it is not matter left from the miscarriage, but that in the few months past I have developed a polyp. So, this is likely what is causing my irregular periods and keeping me from getting pregnant again. I do have to have a D & C, and then after a couple of months following the procedure, we can start trying again.

Ugh!

And to top it all off, as if that wasn't enough to deal with, I have had HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE lately! Me, the person who typically had low - normal blood pressure. It was first discovered at that doctors appt. and monitored since then. I have consequently gone to my PCP and even bought my own cuff. We are monitoring it, but it is very possible that by next week, I will be on a hypertension medication. So, we have to get my blood pressure controlled before I can even have the D & C, and then we have to wait until my blood pressure is well under control before we can even try to get pregnant again. Now, this is a lot to deal with, and this is even more unsettling than the female issues I am dealing with. This is scary, and let me tell you, I have been dealing with my share of emotions since finding all of this out. It has been a lot to take and I have been REALLY scared and upset about it all.

My family does not fare too well in the health department. So, all of my siblings, now including myself, have high cholesterol. Now I have high blood pressure on top of it? I can take blood pressure medication while trying to get pregnant and while pregnant and even while breast feeding, but I cannot take cholesterol medication. So, I have all these issues I am worried about. What does this mean to my longevity? What about heart attack? Stroke? Heart disease? Kidney failure? (Which my father, who is deceased, suffered from). The doctor believes if I lose weight, I may be able to control my blood pressure (my father also had high blood pressure, and was thin) but that high cholesterol is genetic in my family. My mother, who is also deceased, had high cholesterol, and I got some of these health issues from both sides.

So, in my fear of dying young, and of leaving my son early, like my parents left me, I have been watching what I eat. Let me tell you, it has been hard. I am now aware of so many bad habits that I have, and it is hard to make changes. I have also been walking for exercise a good amount, but I want to do more. I am also afraid that I will lose my motivation.

So, next Tuesday I go back to my PCP for the final word, and I am still awaiting him to give his permission for me to have the procedure, so that I can get on with healing, in order to try to get pregnant again. (My husband is more than ready, as he says, he is not getting any younger!) I often say had I not had a miscarriage, I would be 6.5 months pregnant now, but instead I am dealing with all these health issues and this really sucks! But my husband says he doesn't like to think like that, it is what it is. Sometimes I can't help but think that some things are just not fair.

Truth be told, I can put things into perspective. I am SO fortunate to have one healthy, beautiful, sweet, amazing and fun son. If that is all we are able to have, I am still a very lucky woman. But, I still can't help but feel sad and disappointed for what I have lost, and what I am going through, and for all the uncertainty. And in the big scheme of things, the blood pressure issue, and being healthy and alive for many more years, is by far the most important factor. I want to live much longer, and I want to be healthy doing so.

Wish me luck! I will continue to post regarding my situation.