Update

Well, I had my doctor's appointment on Tuesday. My doctor had previously told me to bring a list of two-weeks worth of blood pressure testings, three times per day, and to bring my blood pressure monitor. So, I did as told. Each time I took my pressure with my cuff, it read somewhere around 105/150. We all know that is a high reading. So, guess what my pressure was at my doctor's office? 120/80. That is a good reading, not high at all. So, he took it with his manual cuff, and that is what he got for the reading. Then, he had me take it with mine, and of course, it came out as 105/145. He told me I do NOT have high blood pressure, that my cuff does not work accurately, and that I should take it back. He said I may have pre-hypertension, which is still a concern, and that I may develop hypertension one day, maybe during my next pregnancy. He told me to follow a low-salt, low-fat diet, to lose weight and exercise, and to come back every two weeks to have my pressure monitored. He said I CAN have the D & C as scheduled. Okay, this is certainly a relief, but truth be told, I was confused, and more than a little skeptical. I WANT to believe his cuff read correctly, but since the first time I was there he used 4 different monitors, and got 4 different readings, 2 or which were high; and the fact that my cuff kept reading high; and the fact the prior to buying my cuff I went to Target a couple of times and used the cuff in the pharmacy department and it kept reading high (although it has been a few weeks since I have done this), I am just not 100% convinced. Well, I guess it is good that he has me coming back every 2 weeks for now to keep an eye on my pressure. So, now I will use this opportunity to make sure I do my part, to watch what I eat and to lose weight. The problem is, I know about calories and fat, but sodium is another issue. I have to educate myself, and I feel overwhelmed. Between fat, calories, and sodium, what can I actually eat? All the things I eat while trying to lose weight seem to have a lot of sodium (like turkey lunch meat, and cottage cheese, etc).

Then, the other issue, is the consistent motivation. I really have a problem with that, it truly is a struggle for me. It is very complex and I get so frustrated sometimes. The thing is, I am not giving up. I will keep trying and trying, and just make it a daily part of life. More than once in the past I said that maybe I am just meant to be fat, and that I should just love myself the way I am. I will never believe that again (I really didn't believe it then either, it was just an easy way out), because if I was meant to be fat, then I wouldn't have the health problems associated with it. And to tell the truth, I feel better when I am in control and disciplined, as though I am controlling my food issues rather than them controlling me. Even though I don't lose much weight in a day or two, I just FEEL much better, and I even feel more attractive physically, I feel like I like myself more. So, there you have it. I will keep you posted to my process along the way.