Stop the Merry-go-round.

August 30, 2006, already. Time sure does fly lately. In fact, it flies so fast that I am always behind, and trying to catch it, and to catch up. So, I am always wondering how do people do it? How do people have little babies and go to work and stay caught up on paperwork and stay caught up on things like bills and housework and journals and photo albums and baby books and phone calls and clean house and laundry and ironing and exercising and sorting clothing and shopping and cooking and SLEEP and on and on? Because I certainly can't! So, I spend hours thinking about everything I need to do, and then I don't do it.

I think sometimes I spend more energy thinking about it than actually doing it. I know too that some of the problem is that I feel too overwhelmed with all that I have to do so it is paralyzing to me. Also, I still really do not want to be working at a job, I want to be a stay-at-home Mom, (and my job is one that requires I do some paperwork at home too) so I do go to work but do no paperwork. (Thereby continuing to get behind and to become more overwhelmed). Just an extra thought, I know that even if I did stay home and did not have a job I would still not feel like one of those women who has it all together and keeps a clean, orderly house and makes meals every night. Even on days I am home and don't have to go into my job, I am still always wondering where time goes and how I managed to get "very little" done.

Well, the way I cope, I guess, is to remind myself that I do accomplish the most important thing, I spend time with my son (who is 5 months old now and is absolutley wonderful). I don't just put him to watch t.v. all day or to sleep all day. I care for him and play with him, for many hours. I take comfort in that, I am proud of that, and allow myself to be okay with it.

Still, there are things I need to do for me, which I am sure will be good for him - like beginning to move my body again, in some form of exercise. And like getting started on really trying to make a dent on paperwork; so that I FEEL better. So, I will try to get started, and allow myself to do a little at a time, instead of being overwhelmed and paralyzed, to only get further behind. And in the mean time, I will remind myself that I AM already doing something very wonderful and important.