Happy New Year

Looking past, this year has been eventful to say the least. I had two major, life altering events that I have dealt with in 2006. One was so beautiful and amazing and wonderful! The other so unexected and sad and powerful. My son was born on March 27, 2006. Then, when he was 5 weeks old, on May 4, 2006, my mother died unexpectedly. Just for a second, take in the meaning of these two events, and you can't help but be aware of the polar opposites of feelings that get invoked. That is what I have dealt with since May 4, 2006. So incredibly bittersweet.
Every day I look at my son with awe and amazement at how beautiful and special and sweet he is, and I rejoice in this precious gift I have been given. He keeps me going and reminds me of living every day. But I also think of my mother, and how she was especially looking forward to me having a child, as we live closest in proximity than any of my other siblings and we had a close relationship, so despite her health problems and physical limitations, she knew she would be close to her grandchild and see him or her often.

Thankfully, she did get to see my son, but for such a short moment, and that was all she had, all he had. That saddens me more than words can say. I feel she was ripped off, that what she wanted most was taken from her, and that he was ripped off too, he won't know his Bubbie Judy, not in person. Yes, he will know her from her pictures and from what myself and my family tells him, but it is still not the same. I feel I was ripped off! Never, for a moment, did I fantasize about having a baby and then having my mother die 5 weeks later. We never fantasize about the terrible things that happen, do we? Anyway, I have to beleive she is in heaven, along side my father, who died when I was 14 years old, not suffering any longer, and that she can see my son all the time, and is always with him, watching him, and rejoicing in how amazing he is. And I will never let her legacy die out. He WILL know his Bubbie Judy, if not in person, then in spirit.

I wish us all only love, happiness, health, peace, and good times in 2007. Happy new year.